Fireside Chat with Jimmie Sylvester – Winter 2009

Part 1 of 4

(By Larry H Bange)

To all of Jimmie’s Fans…..

I have had the privilege of knowing Jimmie Sylvester for several years.  Ironically, I met him through a response he had sent to me regarding an article I had written, that was published on the net; and at the time, I had no clue or knowledge about who he was, much less what he did.

At that time, I was far removed from the entertainment industry and was concentrating my time and efforts solely on other factors of life that resulted in the published article.  The nature of the article and its specifics are irrelevant to why I am writing here.  But I did think it important to indicate the ‘starting point’, for me, of knowing Jimmie personally.

Our initial contacts were simply regarding the article, my views for it, and so on.  Eventually I did have the opportunity to meet him in person.  That meeting with him, and subsequent ones, were on the personal viewpoints level, his and mine, about life and other such issues relating to that initial article.

We became friends FIRST, and then I became aware of his ‘status’ in life.  He was comfortable sharing such details with me; and I, of course, was all too eager to hear it.  But through all that he still remained and still is a FRIEND first, who just happens to be in all facets of the entertainment world – again far removed from my experiences.

The significance of all this to you, his fans, is just to reflect that personal side of Jimmie.  He had no need to boast about who he was, much less whom he knew and rubbed shoulders with – so to speak.  Over the years I always thought it would be interesting to do an interview with him, covering an array of subjects – for you – his fans.

My reasoning and approach for that were simple.  To formulate questions, even some I may have already known what his answer would be (or at least thought I might), strictly so you, his fans, could see a more in-depth viewpoint about him, the person – not necessarily about him – the entertainer.

Most fans, of anyone in the starlight (so to speak), never have the opportunity to hear the more personal side, but rather only hear or read that normal expected somewhat ‘hum drum’ question and answer period, as though it was ‘a preset already copied ahead of time’ interview.  When I approached Jimmie on doing the interview, I let him know I would be, from time to time, asking the difficult questions, while at the same time covering ‘lighter note’ type subjects.  He had absolutely no way of knowing what I would ask or how I would ask whatever.

I never consider that an interviewer should come across in strictly that ‘tell all’ approach, as though the interviewer was attempting to sell newspapers or magazine ‘rags’ for the bottom line of success for them personally, nor do I hold any regard for such type interviewers.

My approach is simple, try to cover those areas that you may think the ‘readership’ may be interested in reading, but also make it as ‘light hearted’ as possible; yet informative on difficult areas as well.  Obviously, no one person – interviewer or not, can hit the nail on the head on every question, much less for all readers.  However, I do hope that my approach is a worthwhile reading venture for at least most of you.

Now I guess it is important that I state that I decided the interview would be done in four small parts, based upon the questions I have in mind for it.  I also wanted to share that the questioning, for the most part, will likely go back and forth regarding subject matter.  It may even seem, as there was absolutely no rhyme or reason to its order.  That is by my design.  I want it to be somewhat funny at times, sometimes heavy-hearted, while other times just informative – and back and forth.

With all that said, here is the first installment.  I hope my approach is worthy of your time.  So here it is – the first one……

With best regards,

Larry H Bange

The Fireside Chat with Jimmie Sylvester, begins...

Hi Jimmie.  Thanks for taking the time for this interview.

LB - First, just so you know ahead of time, the questions will not be necessarily lumped together by topic, but rather in a more ‘hodge-podge’ fashion in most cases.  I have decided to do this in order to continually ‘mix’ it up so to speak.

JS - Okie Dokie!

LB - Jimmie, as you know there is a ‘Father’ and then a ‘God-Father’.  If I may ask, first what do you see as the distinguishing differences between the two – other than the obvious biological aspect?  And secondly, what was it with you and your God-Son Alfred that made it more like he was your Son versus God-Son?  Before you answer, the reason I think that is relevant to the readers is that it might be helpful to have them ‘understand’ the relationship, as it was, versus the typical ‘text-book’ definition.

JS - The distinction between the two to me…A Father is the person who is there 24/7. He takes responsibility and is excited to help educate, mold, protect, is his child’s advocate and provider of several needs. Housing, food, clothing, education, social and personal skills. And all that incubuses being a parent. A God-Father is someone that the parents select to be there should anything happen to a parent or both of the parents. To step in and help in whatever the needs are. Sometimes they are full responsibilities. Sometimes they are just supporting with general things. However, to me a God-Father also is someone who is involved in the child(ren) lives not just when there is an emergency.

I was asked to be Alfred’s God-Father because he really didn’t have a lot of solid adult figures in his life when he was born. Even though I was still a teenager, I adopted the role of ‘Father’ without really realizing it, on all aspects. Housing, food, clothing, school. Etc. When he was first in elementary school, he would constantly ask “Are you sure you are not my real father?” And I would say “Not biological but I wish I was. But that doesn’t mean I love you any different.”

He understood for as much as a 5 year old could. I think it is best to answer only what questions children ask because that is the capacity of what their minds can process. Though many people never really viewed me as being a Father to him because I wasn’t biologically his Father or that I am white and he was black. I firmly believe that you don’t have to be a biological parent to have a child become yours in mind, body, spirit and mannerisms, characteristics. When Alfred smiled it was a carbon copy of the way I smiled. We learn and are enriched from our environments on major things but the minor ones as well. The best part was when we were out and people would tell him you have your Father’s smile. It gave him a sense of belonging and the ‘normalcy’ society places on people to have this or that.

LB - Thanks Jimmie and I agree because as you know my daughter is adopted – I am not her biological Father – BUT to her and me I am her Father.

Now with that said, let me continue.  Over the last couple of years, even though you have addressed it a number of times via different venues, it seems there are still speculations and remarks relating to your God-Son, Alfred’s, untimely death.  Would you consider one last comment about that to finally put this unfortunate circumstance to rest?  And before you answer I would like to, once again, extend my sincere condolences.

JS - Thank you for your condolences. It is the circle of life. You are not guaranteed to be born but once you are; you are guaranteed to die. I had hoped to not have to go to a morgue to identify his body much less confirm that it was him and that he was dead. It was devastating and heart retching and private. I didn’t and still don’t feel I need to discuss it globally more than everyone dies. His journey is on another level now. It was the best time of my life being able to be a part of his life and it changed me in ways I probably wouldn’t have gravitated too. I really only felt the need to let my fan club know because they are used to hearing about outings and red carpet events. And still with that I waited a very long time before I even mentioned it a newsletter.

LB - Well Jimmie, I respect your right to that approach and hope others, reading this, do as well.  Remaining on that topic, if I may, there have been numerous speculations regarding whether or not you attended Alfred’s funeral.  Would you care to share if you did and if not what was the situation at the time that kept you from it?

JS - The funeral was more for his extended family and honestly I didn’t think it appropriate to be there – Alfred’s extended family and I spoke frequently and they understood my personal reasons for that and for my decisions not to go.

Everyone grieves differently. All my friends and family were ready to attend the service and were making travel arrangements. I told them they could attend if they wished but I wouldn’t be attending. Jeff, was around Alfred his whole life and we needed our own time to grieve in our own way.

LB - Thank you!  I don’t think anyone would disagree on the need for that personal grieving process.  And I personally think that no more needs to be said on that aspect - . Now moving on…

Do you think enduring such a painful ordeal, has changed you in any way as a person, and if so, in what ways?

JS - It has. I think that once your child dies, you are changed forever. Differently than losing a spouse, parent or a friend. Nothing ever looks the same. Feels the same. Matters the same. Your whole life’s routine is changed. What was once school PTA meetings, sports practices, proms, going to look at colleges, summer holidays all are different. More different than when a child moves out because you know you can see them and speak with them. Just recently I received a call from a college expecting to see us. I had set it up a long time ago and contacted them to cancel, but the message was not conveyed properly. Then you end up consoling the person you are talking to because they feel terrible that they caused you pain. I think once you survive the death of a child you can survive anything.

LB - Thanks for that reply; as I know all of that has been a painful memory.  I feel no need for more ‘follow up’ on that topic.  Okay, now if I may switch to more pleasant memories for a moment?

JS - While Alfred’s death is a painful memory, it is the only painful memory I have. I had 17 years of great memories. I am very blessed and thankful for that.

LB - I do understand that, so what would you say is the best memory you have concerning your time with Alfred?  The funniest?  And what was the most rewarding experience with him to you personally?

JS - We just burped at each other for fun. I don’t know how that started but we would even call each other’s cells and just burp on the message. When he was little we used to dance and act silly a lot. We still did that even when he was in high school. I still do it. One of the funniest times was when I went to get him from school and the teacher said that he looked at her in the morning and shook his head. She asked him throughout the day why he did that and he just said nothing. Finally at the end of the day, he said that he just wondered if she had looked at herself in the mirror before she left because she was a hot mess! The teacher was taken aback and wanted to laugh but tried not to. She had a particular difficult morning with her dog or something so she had just mixed matched clothes on and no one had told her she had two little curlers still in her hair. I would imagine if Alfred had been older than 8 he might have gotten in trouble. All I could say is that I tell him all the time to check how he is put together before he leaves because you don’t want to be a hot mess out on the street! Reminded me of the time I told my third grade teacher that she looked like a man with her new haircut. She was grateful because everyone had been telling her she looked good. She told my parents that she appreciated my honesty. I guess Alfred got that from me. Again it goes back to you don’t have to be someone’s biological father to influence them and have them pick up on your traits and mannerism. He was surrounded by celebrities in entertainment and sports and he never looked at them as superstars they were just a friend of Jimmie’s. He was very grounded. Kind and loving and very generous in spirit.

LB - And those are traits anyone could be proud of too.  Now I would like to detour to a health issue - if I may.  But before I get to that, how are you feeling right now?

JS - I feel great. Just a bit tired but I am always a bit tired. Thank you.

LB - I am glad to hear that – yeah we all get tired at times.  I was wondering if you would care to share details regarding the heart condition you have recently encountered? 

JS - Before I answer, it is important to understand that everyone SHOULD always consult a trained medical professional for any health concerns you may have.  I have had a sinus infection since last October (2008), and it is finally clearing up and also in October (2008), I had rapid heartbeat. Totally unrelated to the sinus infection. It felt like an anxiety attack. Normally if I had one it would pass in a few but this one didn’t. It lasted almost 26 hours. My heart was beating at 197 beats per minute. I saw my GP (general practitioner) and it was decided I should go to the ER. Well, I had to go home and get a shower, you know I had to look cute! LOL! Eat something and get the dogs out. Plus I had to wait for Jeff, who was only a few moments away.

Seriously, I needed to go home and wait for Jeff - I wasn’t supposed to drive and by the time the ambulance would have reached me, we could already be there. Again, you shouldn’t wait if you have a health issue.

No one knew, but I was born with the heart disease Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome.  It occurs in the development stage while I was still in the womb. It is unknown what causes it and no one was at fault, it just happens.  Many people born with this disease don’t know it, until they have an extreme attack like I did. 

Basically, I had two heart beats. When they were beating at the same time they are more dueling and my heart wasn’t beating properly. After a few hours and weighing the options, I elected to have my heart stopped and restarted. In the hopes it would reset itself, and HELLO it did. There was the danger of sudden death syndrome and I needed to think about surgery. In March I had the surgery but I fall into the 1% whose heart can’t be fully corrected, 99% of it was corrected. The risk of sudden death syndrome from my heart stopping was also able to be corrected. I left the hospital the next morning at 6am. The Dr. was actually late. I was dressed and had my laptop and was walking down the hallway. I am on no medications or therapy and am doing great. I was allowed to go back to working out and resume all activities in a couple days. They said take 8-10 to rest but I only needed 1.

LB - That all sounds like at the time it would have been a bit scary to say the least.  How did you handle that emotionally?  And secondly, if I may, had you thought about having your ‘ducks in a row’ so to speak, should things go wrong?

JS - Again, before I answer, it is important to understand that everyone SHOULD always consult a trained medical professional for any health concerns you may have.  Heart disease and heart issues are the silent killer. You don't know you have an issue until it slams you. This is MY story and MY personal choices and experiences.  I was unnerved by it not really scared. I really believe in a person’s innate intelligence and I wasn't feeling a sense of this is it.  I did pray and had been praying since the discomfort had started.  I grew up pretty holistically. Not a lot of medications or things like that. I always question  doctors, why this or that? How come this or that? What about this? The same in the ER. It is so very important to be your own advocate because my experience was not that great with the cardiologist on call. He didn't come to see me, he didn't review any charts, he just said stop his heart and see if it will restart.

HELLO! What the hell?! He did eventually come in and I let him know in no uncertain terms my thoughts of him and his suggestions on my health. I spoke with the ER doctor as he had pretty much been by my side for a few hours and made the decision to do it and I asked him to do it as he had been trained in that procedure. It was harder on Jeffrey I think. As my partner and power of attorney should I need decisions made on my behalf, he would have to make the decision if something didn't go as planned. I was asked if I was an organ donor and I am, if I had a living will and/or a power of attorney I have both. I have for many years. It states my personal preference to what I do and don't want done and Jeffrey is very aware of that. I have no problem stating that for me, if things went bad, I didn't want to have my chest cracked and have my chest sliced all the way open. I would prefer to die.

HOWEVER, Larry, this is so important for me to say, I would be on the table and not know what the deal is. So it was important that I tell Jeffrey, that he will be there and know the facts of what I want and what the doctors are saying and that he will have to make the best decision based on all the facts and I would be ok with his decision that is why I elected him. Before they did the procedure I asked a nurse to leave because she didn't believe in the procedure and was working the machines. You know me, she had to go! I needed someone focused on it not thinking about how they disbelieve in the procedure. 

I needed to get it quiet so I could hear what God was telling me and so I could decide what path I was going to take and hope that it was the correct one.  And I asked them to close the curtains so I didn't have to see the organ donor people with their coolers waiting for my cute little organs.

Oddly enough they really wanted my heart because I am very healthy and taking it out they would be able to completely fix it before donating it. That was a little heavy on my mind. But before they started I said to Jeffrey, I am not going anywhere, we have front row tickets to see Madonna in a few weeks and hang with her. I haven't missed a tour of hers yet and I am not going to start. Everyone laughed. The procedure is about 10-15 minutes long, they stop it and restart it. I didn't come back out of it right away, when I did wake up, I heard them asking Jeffrey to make a choice because they had less than 10 seconds before I would be brain dead or they had to do something to try to revive me. Well, you know I woke up and said where is Madonna. I looked at Jeffrey and said I had this great dream I was on tour with Madonna dancing and singing. I said "Hey Mo" and she said "Hey Ho, lets go!" and we starting singing "Holiday." And I said my body was banging.

I must be doing Pilate's again. Everyone just laughed. But hey that is just me. I had reservations for several months about the corrective surgery. I needed to be convinced that I needed surgery or that it would be beneficial. Ultimately, after Jeffrey and I interviewed 6 cardiologists and met with some very famous heart doctors in the country - the ones that you see on TV all the time talking about the heart, I decided to have the surgery because the quality of my life was suffering from the pain and discomfort I was in.

Again, still as my own advocate, the day of the surgery there was a surgical nurse that was having a bad day taking it out on everyone and I refused to let her in the operating room because of the negativity. I was having major surgery and she couldn't be there I needed positive vibes, love and support around me when I was going in and waking up to it.  Again, I needed to be focused on everything and pray.  She later apologized and said she would never let that happen again. And I said everyone has a day now and then. They said I had started to die during surgery and they had to work quickly. You know what Larry...I didn't see any light. It was dark. I don't know if that means I didn't go far enough to see the light or that I am going to Hell! LOL!

LB - I would seriously doubt that (grin).  Well from the sounds of it that was quite an ordeal.  I appreciate you sharing that with me and for the readership of this interview.  I think it will be very insightful to all that read it.  I just wanted to verify that now it seems your condition that you experienced is now behind you?
 

JS - Yes.  I have resumed back to my activities and have not found anything I can’t do that I want to do!

LB - That’s great news!  Thanks Jimmie for allowing me to ask such personal questions and being so understanding about me doing that.  Most of us, if there are such concerns we contend with, only our closest friends or family know about it.  I was wondering if you find it difficult to be in that ‘fish bowl’ lack of privacy that many of us never experience?   I can’t imagine going through that myself to that degree; and am pretty sure I never would want to – for any reason.  Do you ever get ‘use’ to that aspect of being in the fishbowl lime light?  Have you ever thought, like many stars and entertainers, that it is very difficult to maintain any sense of ‘personal private life’?  And if so, what do you attempt to do to grasp some of that private aspect to life?

JS - It is difficult when you have people watching you that way. Fashion week had just gotten over. They reported in the press that I was sick and something was wrong but that truly was the sinus infection because I was using a netty pot to help with the sinuses. I was having several opinions on my heart and was to and from many doctors. I interviewed 6 cardiologists before I selected one. So the press saw that or someone told them. Jeff and I had just finished teaching an instructional cooking class and went home to get ready to go for surgery. We only told our inner circle a day or two before the surgery and only our mothers were allowed to visit after. I mean I was only there less than 24 hours. Except one friend brought me a milkshake because I had planned that in advance. Of course you know I had Jeff make me dinner, homemade chicken and dumplings. I could have sold platters! There was a lot of attention in the hospital and I was asked for autographs, but I had a great staff there and was taken care of fabulously. I do draw the line when it comes to my private life, no matter if we are in our house, visiting our families. Wherever it is I call home, London, New York, Delaware, under a rock, that is where I draw the line. That is my time. When I am at an event, movie premiere, fashion week, concert that is different. Even if I am just watching a show and not involved, there is a chance that I will be asked to pose for a photo or give an autograph. That is part of the deal. If I don’t want that then I need to stay home. With that said, I am certainly not hunted like Brad and Angelina or Madonna or now Susan Boyle. And I really wish they would leave Susan alone and just let her sing! So I don’t know what it is like to be hounded. Though I have been with my friends when they have been hounded and dated a few famous people and ended up in a tabloid a few times. I don’t know what that is like. And that is why I was never really interested in superstardom.

LB - Thanks for that personal insight. Now I would like to hopefully lighten up the scene a bit and make a little trip down memory lane with you.  And when you get to be my age, hey you might be glad the memories were documented – that is if you have someone who will remind you where it is documented – just kidding of course! 

Jimmie, it’s apparent that your career has taken many curves and yet con-current undertakings all at once at times too.  How do you manage to maintain that ‘hands-on’ involvement in all aspects of your professional life?

JS - If I don’t manage it I won’t know what is going on. I am very organized and I am a planner. Calendars, e-mails, post it notes, whatever I need to remind me and keep me on track. When I have piles of work I often will lock down for a few days and sort through it. I usually work without any TV or music, no phone. I like structure and dedicated times to handle things. If not I wouldn’t have a personal life. I hate meetings so I have them briefly and we make plans on what needs to be done and then go do it and check back. It’s a very simple plan but effective.

LB - As a follow-up to that, would you ever be happy being slated into more of just one specific area from a career standpoint – IF you lived in a dream world where nothing would prohibit you from that?  And if so, what would be that one basic career element or direction?

JS - No, I like hands on everything. Not controlling it but knowing what is going on. It is my name and reputation out there. As well as Jeffrey's now. I am very approachable and my team knows that. If I had to pick one specific direction, right now at this moment, I would say complete Business Operations. I like the day-to-day operations of things. How it starts, where it goes and how it ends. My roles in the company now is some of that, but more of a CEO, CFO, Board of Director roles. And sometimes the Talent portion of it. I am involved with every single aspect and what each department and person is doing. But I am easy going as long as things are getting done. I like to be positive and productive and keep growing as a person so we all can continue to grow. And I try to surround myself with those types of people both personally and professionally. 

********  End Part 1 of 4 ********
 

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